What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
