My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
