tonight lets celebrate not being married
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize