Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
