If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
