Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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