Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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