cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize