Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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