Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
