I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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