he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
