Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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