I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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