If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
