I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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