So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My ass is underappreciated
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
