Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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