bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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