genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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