So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
