I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
