Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
