He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
