I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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