and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
