I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
