Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
