you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
