How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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