When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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