Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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