you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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