my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
