You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
