he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
