Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize