if only i could text you this smell
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
pray to the hookup gods
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
