Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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