Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
