i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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