Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
