The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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