I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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