I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
