TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize