Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
