Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
