the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
