Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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