I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
