I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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