I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
