I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
