no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
