he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
