do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
