I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize