What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
