is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
