I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
