She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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