Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
