and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
