Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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