Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
