we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
