I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I touched a dick in church today
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
