Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
