Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
