9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it because I queefed?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
