Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
