Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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