Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
