i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
