We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
