so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize