Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So apparently I’m into choking now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
