and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
