Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize