dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
