She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
