I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
