So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
