you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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