Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
