I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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