Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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