you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize