she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
