Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
