how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
