M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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