some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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